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This morning I finally finished Brian D. McLaren's More Ready than You Realize: The Power of Everyday Conversations - an excellent book, by the way. In his afterward, he quotes (and this may get a little convoluted) Thomas Merton (trappist monk) from Jim Wallis's book Faith Works: Lessons from the Life of an Activist Preacher. Here are the pertinent parts:"Do not depend on the hope of results," Merton said. Being involved in God's work requires us to face the fact that our work will at times appear to achieve..."no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect." Far better than being obsessed with results, then, whether in social work or evangelism, is to focus on the value of the work itself, and on the value of being genuine friends with those we serve....
Merton has it right: "All the good that you will do will come not from you but from the fact that you have allowed yourself, in the obedience of faith, to be used by God's love." With this in mind, we can stop trying to prove ourselves, and instead be channels of God's power, which can work through us without our even realizing it, Merton affirms.
So neither a dependence upon results nor loyalty to a cause nor the need to build an identity for ourselves can motivate us and sustain us over the long run. Rather, he advised, "If you can get free from the domination of causes and just serve Christ's truth, you will be able to do more and will be less crushed by the inevitable disappointments."
...Merton concludes, our hope is "not in something we think we can do but in God who is making something good out of it in some way we cannot see."
McLaren is writing in the context of evangelism, but the quotes from Merton, especially the parts in bold, made me think of our Wild Goose chase. I find freedom in thinking this way. Freedom to just pursue God's calling without the weight of expectation.
I am also reminded of God's calling to Ezekiel. God basically tells Ezekiel to go tell Israel God’s word, whether or not they listen. In fact, they are not going to listen, but he is to go tell them anyway and God will equip him for the task. (cf. Ezekiel 2:7; 3:4-11)
Second, here is the passage I am currently working on memorizing:
May grace and peace be lavished on you as you grow in the rich knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord!
I can pray this because his divine power has bestowed on us everything necessary for life and godliness through the rich knowledge of the one who called us by his own glory and excellence. Through these things he has bestowed on us his precious and most magnificent promises, so that by means of what was promised you may become partakers of the divine nature, after escaping the worldly corruption that is produced by evil desire. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith excellence, to excellence, knowledge; to knowledge, self-control; to self-control, perseverance; to perseverance, godliness; to godliness, brotherly affection; to brotherly affection, unselfish love. For if these things are really yours and are continually increasing, they will keep you from becoming ineffective and unproductive in your pursuit of knowing our Lord Jesus Christ more intimately. But concerning the one who lacks such things – he is blind. That is to say, he is nearsighted, since he has forgotten about the cleansing of his past sins. Therefore, brothers and sisters, make every effort to be sure of your calling and election. For by doing this you will never stumble into sin. For thus an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be richly provided for you.
2 Peter 1:2-11 (NET)
May grace and peace be lavished on you as you grow in the rich knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord!
I can pray this because his divine power has bestowed on us everything necessary for life and godliness through the rich knowledge of the one who called us by his own glory and excellence. Through these things he has bestowed on us his precious and most magnificent promises, so that by means of what was promised you may become partakers of the divine nature, after escaping the worldly corruption that is produced by evil desire. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith excellence, to excellence, knowledge; to knowledge, self-control; to self-control, perseverance; to perseverance, godliness; to godliness, brotherly affection; to brotherly affection, unselfish love. For if these things are really yours and are continually increasing, they will keep you from becoming ineffective and unproductive in your pursuit of knowing our Lord Jesus Christ more intimately. But concerning the one who lacks such things – he is blind. That is to say, he is nearsighted, since he has forgotten about the cleansing of his past sins. Therefore, brothers and sisters, make every effort to be sure of your calling and election. For by doing this you will never stumble into sin. For thus an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, will be richly provided for you.
2 Peter 1:2-11 (NET)
I am currently just working on verses 2-3, but I am struck by the entire passage. I love the language of the NET Bible - "may grace and peace by lavished on you." I don't know about you, but I need a lavishing of grace and peace. I am also struck by the way grace and peace are tied to "the rich knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord." I take this to mean knowing God leads to grace and peace.
Also, I find courage and comfort in knowing that God's divine power has already bestowed on me “everything necessary for life and godliness.” I know I've been taught this concept before, but there is something more in the reading and meditating on the passage itself. Anyway, there is much more there there, but I will leave it for another time.
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8 comments:
Because you asked, here it is, with a little editing. Love you girls!
(BENNY!)
Wow, that quoted quoted quote (or however many should go there) really hits me where I'm at right now. There is a lot of pressure right now to perform, to finish, to succeed, to get a job that justifies the time spent teaching me. Not that it's specific to me; it is just the way things are done. I have a hard time giving myself grace in the first place. Add the fact that I work best high on adrenaline and under a deadline, but only when the project can be clearly defined, and it's no wonder that I am feeling pressure and not integrating rest and work well. God finally told me to finish my program only a little over a year ago. But for some reason that's translating into, "I'm waiting for you to finish. Finish, then we can talk." Feels in some ways like God just left me here in the midst...while paradoxically being very present in other areas of my life where He is asking me to do other things.
But your post gives me a glimmer of something else, reminds me that He is working through me here and now. Thanks.
thanks for putting this here, christin. these are such excellent thoughts and i love that i'll get to come back here, pour over them, and consider them again and again.
i find myself frustrated a lot of the time because i feel like i'm not doing anything. i commented along similar lines on sarah's blog today too. i get hung up on what i'm doing, on what i'm accomplishing ... on the results. when ... wow. there may not be results for us to see. or there may be results, but we're not privy to them. and that's got to be okay.
it seems like such a small shift, but such a terribly important one.
i have come to LOVE reading merton over the past year or so, so thank you so much for sharing these quotes and your own insights.
electric ...
Hey, friend. I don't have a lot to add here in the comments section that I haven't already related in private conversation, but I'm glad you posted it anyway. Again, I view this blog as a memorial to God and His work in us that we're building . . . it will be good to have this testament to your journey and encouragement here included in the archives of our collective journey together.
Stephanie, thanks for sharing so candidly in this comment space of late. I feel like you're now walking along with us, sharing your own parts of the journey as you experience similar things.
I can really relate to that pressure you expressed, though obviously not the same exact pressure. Hello, PhD girl! That's pressure! Especially with all the years of schooling investment (time and expense and resources within yourself) it required.
When you say that God's word to you a year ago is now translating into "Finish, then we can talk," did you mean that you hear him actually saying that to you, or that you're putting that translation on him?
Christianne--Thanks for your response. A year ago, it was relief to hear the word "finish." For my entire grad school career, it had been, "Just keep going to grad school," without any sense of whether I would end my grad school career by quitting or by finishing. The "then we can talk" part is pretty definitely my translation, and it's a recent translation. I guess it feels more and more like something I have to do (which in some senses, of course, is very true) and less like something He is guiding me through. Don't get me wrong, there have been other times in my grad career that I've had similar feelings...but for some reason the whole "finish" thing is making it harder. Part of what He has taught me throughout all of this is that His love for me is not based on what I do, so this feeling of "accomplish, then..." is pretty frustrating.
I think some of that is a little jumbled, but I wanted to respond today before I left (hooray! vacation!).
Hi Stephanie,
When I was reading this, trying to put myself into your experience through what you shared, I was then led to remember some of my experience toward the end of my business degree program I just finished. I don't know if this is the experience you're describing, but I'll share it anyway, just in case.
As I neared the end of my program, I knew it was going to get harder. The push was going to be more tough and more demanding. (I wonder if this is a similar feeling you have in finally writing The Dissertation and Then Defending It.)
I had to keep going. I couldn't turn around, pass right by it, or give up. I knew I needed to finish. It was, in a sense, why I came there in the first place.
Yet all the while I was working on the business plan project in the final two months specifically, I felt completely alone. I felt like God was not there, that it was completely up to me to complete this massive thing that had become A Thing, kind of like a Monster Under the Bed That Will Come Out at Your Most Vulnerable Moment and Overtake You Completely.
It was such a struggle for me, those two months. The pressure to perform and perform well were stronger than I'd felt them in many years. I felt like I was literally going to die on the inside, which I hadn't felt in a really long time. And the reason it felt like death was because the True Me, the One Who Believes In and Lives In and Fights For Grace, was nowhere to be found. It was like she was being squeezed out unto death, but not death in Jesus: death in hell.
I felt the whole time, like a distant question calling out through a thick and impenetrable fog, the question, "What would it look like for God to be with me in this, rather than me going it on my own?" I had a sense that He was there and wanting to enter in, be right there with me in all of it, a part of it, even, getting it written . . . and yet I still, the broken parts of me, felt so alone.
Wow. Writing that, I realize that may be all me and nothing of your own experience. But just in case it is some of the same, just in case you are asking the same question, just in case God is asking you that question and you didn't realize it yet . . . take it for what it's worth.
I do wish you peace, though, in this place for a troubled and tired spirit. I hope your holiday was refreshing.
Love,
Christianne
Dear Christianne,
Hm, I think I'm going to have to sit with your thoughts a bit longer, but in general, it does sound similar. I actually had an interesting experience the other day that intuitively links here...I had a really bad headache and was kind of panicking. I just can't deal with life when I have a bad headache, even if the headache doesn't hurt. (Yes, I know that sounds weird, but Sarah can vouch that this really does happen to me.) I was chatting with Sarah and she asked me if I could just take a few seconds to breathe, and I decided to go take a walk in the garden. The desert garden at the Huntington is one of my favorite gardens anywhere. So I walked down there and was talking to God, and I realized that it was definitely a young part of me talking to Him. The adult part had just...gone. That was frightening, but in the course of talking to God about it and choosing to trust Him with the adult part (like I trust Him to find the younger parts when they run away and hide somewhere), the adult part returned. It felt way more profound than I am expressing here.
Hm, but I wonder if part of what I'm seeing is that it's hard in times like these to hold the various parts of myself together. The one young part that instinctively reaches out to God and the young part that believes performing is what makes her lovable obviously take some balancing...and when the adult part is tired or missing in action, I just feel whatever is on the surface at the moment, and that *is* reality for me. I guess in the context of this whole comment string, maybe that means that there are parts of me that feel in contact with God and parts that feel like He is absent or distant or tapping His foot in a corner somewhere, just waiting for me to finish.
Wow, is this confusing in my head. Guess it needs more pondering. :) And probably some sleep. Traveling all day does do a number on me...
Love,
Stephanie
Stephanie,
What you share makes perfect sense. I definitely experience various parts of myself living inside all at once. Sometimes certain parts are more visible than others, sometimes certain parts are more vocal than others, and sometimes certain parts are in greater need than others are. I love how you talked about it this way because I certainly can relate -- and that's not common, is it? At least, not in my experience. I have a few friends with whom this kind of discourse is the most natural thing in the world . . . but we generally laugh about it sometimes, because we figure most people tuning into our conversations would think we sound nuts, going on about the different people living inside of us. :)
Sarah mentioned that you've got an office at the Huntington. Lucky you, to be surrounded by so much beauty in those gardens on a regular basis!
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